Just using the "word" death in the title of this article conjures such sad images that I thought there was some degree of comfort in the term "mortality". Losing a loved one is never an easy part of life. For families who have children with special issues, discussion of the topic is an even more difficult situation. Dealing with it when it hits close to home heightens that difficulty. This past December I lost my older brother. He had, what everyone suspects, was an aneurism or a heart attack. He was only 57. Coincidentally, my father died when he was 56. My brother and his family live in California while the rest of us live here in the East Coast (New York and New Jersey). We all flew to California to find comfort in the presence of my brother's family and we hope we gave that to them as well. It would have been great to bring my daughter and husband with me but as things turned out, she had finals that week. She and I determined that it would be better for her to take the finals and get that over with rather than postpone them so she could come with me to California. The periods when she has exams are times when I make sure I am around my daughter to keep her focused and calm. So leaving, though unavoidable, was not easy. We all realized that being able to say goodbye to my brother was not just important but the right thing to do.
Not too long after our return to New York, a young girl at my daughter's former high school (my daughter just started her freshman year at college) died suddenly in her sleep. Even though my daughter did not personally know this child, the fact that she was my daughter's age, knew friends of my daughter and went to the same high school made my kid face her own mortality. These 2 events that had to do with death scared her. So here I am with a child who is afraid to sleep, checking her heartbeat and pulse all the time, feels like she is sick and is crying about every little thing. What do I do? I am ill-equipped to handle the issue of death. I have never discussed this in a serious way with her. It didn't take long for me to come to the realization that a visit or two to her psychologist was going to be necessary. So was a trip to her doctor. We did these and, thankfully, they helped. It took time but they helped. The psychologist advised me that I needed to have a serious talk with my daughter about losing loved ones. The talk need not be morbid. It had to be based on what my family's beliefs and faith are. Not an easy task but one that had to be done.
She and I got through this. She is now back in school for her second semester in college and is back to her happy self. What an ordeal this has been! I am looking forward to an easier 2012 and hope the same for all of you. Before I end, let me tell you how much I regret not making that trip to California to visit my brother and his family, while he was alive. I am a terrible traveler (as my sisters who traveled with me this past December will attest to) but that should not be an excuse. I hope he knows how much he was loved by his family and by me. God bless you, Manong Boyet, and rest in peace.
Not too long after our return to New York, a young girl at my daughter's former high school (my daughter just started her freshman year at college) died suddenly in her sleep. Even though my daughter did not personally know this child, the fact that she was my daughter's age, knew friends of my daughter and went to the same high school made my kid face her own mortality. These 2 events that had to do with death scared her. So here I am with a child who is afraid to sleep, checking her heartbeat and pulse all the time, feels like she is sick and is crying about every little thing. What do I do? I am ill-equipped to handle the issue of death. I have never discussed this in a serious way with her. It didn't take long for me to come to the realization that a visit or two to her psychologist was going to be necessary. So was a trip to her doctor. We did these and, thankfully, they helped. It took time but they helped. The psychologist advised me that I needed to have a serious talk with my daughter about losing loved ones. The talk need not be morbid. It had to be based on what my family's beliefs and faith are. Not an easy task but one that had to be done.
She and I got through this. She is now back in school for her second semester in college and is back to her happy self. What an ordeal this has been! I am looking forward to an easier 2012 and hope the same for all of you. Before I end, let me tell you how much I regret not making that trip to California to visit my brother and his family, while he was alive. I am a terrible traveler (as my sisters who traveled with me this past December will attest to) but that should not be an excuse. I hope he knows how much he was loved by his family and by me. God bless you, Manong Boyet, and rest in peace.
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