Facing Tragedy

This past Friday was possibly one of the most difficult times of my life. I attended the memorial service of my friend's son who was only 21 years old. He died suddenly in his sleep. We found out about this sad event through an email sent by another friend. I had to read the email about 5 times before understanding that this was not some crazy horrific dream. Because the memorial service was going to be quite far from where I live, I had to explain to my daughter why I would not be around that day until late in the evening. She picked up on some uneasy vibes and it was necessary that I shared some details with her. Sad and tragic moments, though part of life, are always very difficult to explain to our children. It hits so close to home when it happens to people you know or when it happens to someone similar in age to you. So how do you explain the death of someone so young? There is no manual that tells us as parents how to handle these delicate situations. With a child as sensitive as my daughter, there is an even bigger reason to have some kind of instruction book on what to do and say. Without one, I had to rely on instinct and intuition. I told her how special this young man was to his family and how tragic it was that he had died so suddenly. Since she met this friend and her family a couple of times, she could picture this in her mind quite clearly. She understood how important it was for me to be there at the memorial service. She knew how much it meant to me. Being untrained as a psychologist or psychiatrist, I had to find a way to make my daughter understand that despite how difficult this young man's death was, we need to celebrate his life and the fact that he was loved by his family and by so many friends. The belief that someday we will see all of our loved ones who have gone on that "journey" before us makes the weight of losing them a little easier to deal with. I hope it helps my friend and her family. I know it has helped my daughter and me. The truth of the matter is, in my case, honesty was the only route to take. I answered my daughter's questions honestly and if I didn't know the answer, I admitted that to her. We could all learn a wonderful lesson from my friend who handled this situation with such grace and courage. She had numerous pictures and videos that showed the beauty of this young man's life, making it easier for those who came to see beyond the tragedy.