We've Turned Into Our Parents

As a teenager, like most teens these days, I thought my parents were old-fashioned and so behind the times. I was raised by pretty religious parents who were quite strict about partying, staying out late and dating. They did provide a loving and happy environment for all 8 of their children.  Theirs was a generation that believed in huge families. Most of my classmates and friends all came from families just as large as ours. I grew up in the Philippines so there was a great deal of respect for anyone who was older. So teachers, parents, uncles, aunts, and grandparents were held in high regard. Or maybe we were just brought up to be afraid of making them angry? That's not to say we didn't get into trouble with our parents. We would get scolded and then be asked this question- "What do you have to say for yourself?". Any attempt to answer them would get "You have the nerve to say something! Be quiet!". That's kind of confusing, isn't it? Do they or do they not want an answer to their question. In exchanging complaints with friends, I realized that there were some lines that all our parents used. One good one had to do with food. We were all asked to finish every little bit of food on our plate because "there were a lot of starving children in this world and we were lucky to have what we had". Thus started the bad habit of eating more than what our bodies really needed. Little did we know that this bad habit would be carried into adulthood and be the cause of weight problems. There was also that never-ending need for us to look neat and "polished". I promised myself that I would be a very different kind of parent when the time came. That time is here and I have discovered that I have more in common with my parents than what I would like to think. I give my daughter a little leeway when it comes to presenting her side of things but in my head all I can think is "the nerve of this little child to answer back. Hush and be quiet and do what I want you to do." My daughter's generation is blessed with the confidence to feel that they have an opinion worth expressing. As long as she talks to us respectfully, we don't have a problem with this. In a perfect world, this would be how it is all the time. Since it is not a perfect world, we have times when the exchange of ideas is "animated" (to put it lightly). I know as she gets older, this will happen less and she will, in fact, see how we,as parents, did the best we could. My parents taught us lessons that are so valuable even if we didn't think so back then. Most important among them are patience, tolerance and love. My mom had to do double duty since my dad died when I was in my mid twenties. It's shame my dad never got to see his children raise their children almost the same way he did. These parents of ours actually knew what they were doing. Thanks, Mom and Dad.